


I will be back

by unphased



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), M/M, Other, still adding tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 07:07:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11099451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unphased/pseuds/unphased
Summary: Sebastian leaves, promising Ciel he will be back. Three years quietly pass, Sebastian has still not come back. But, Ciel can't stop remembering him.I suck a symmarys, plus this is just a draft or idea. I don't know for sure if I will keep writing this.





	I will be back

 

3 years after Sebastian Michaelis left.

* * *

 

Back at the mansion, Baldroy, Finnian, and Mey-Rin fell into their beds and were asleep at about the same time, and I envied their easy friendship with slumber. I watched them lay motionless in the eerie, deathlike sleep of the exhausted. I couldn't join them; every thing inside me was awake. My mind was on a continuous playback, giving me the events of that day again and again and again, until they seemed like one long creation, impossible to pull apart into separate minutes.

So I left them in the servants quarters and made my way downstairs. I stopped past the kitchen doorway, it seemed wrong that the kitchen looked the same. Everything should've looked different after that day. Without him, everything shouldn't be so perfect. The slight sound of footsteps upstairs was the only indication that Tanaka was awake; I was glad for the solitude. I was filled with so much anger and sadness that I couldn't think of speaking or talking for that matter. All the servants know to keep their distance and go on with their daily chores, not like there's much anymore. With Baldroy not burning the food anymore and Mey-Rin not breaking anymore dishes, there's really not anything to do. Pluto hasn't even been around anymore. I could still see the way their faces showed so much sadness as they watched him walk away, looking over and waiting for my reaction, for me to say something. But I wasn't ready, yet, to dilute that by not speaking.

Instead, I sloughed off my navy blue vest and went to the living room - one of the servants had left the face of the piano open or was it me? I don't remember if I'd left it open or not. Sorry, I thought, because I still didn't want to speak out loud. I danced my fingers across the keys softly; me insisting none of the servants to not touch the piano had put it a little bit out of tune, but not as much as I would have thought. It was still playable, though I took the moment to make it perfect. I pulled the bench closer and sat down, familiar and easy as a favourite cup of earl grey tea, and I remembered Sebastian's smile. No. Not now, I don't want to remember him.

Then I began to play. Variations on the enharmonic's, the most wonderful keys known to mankind, infinitely happy and sad. I could live inside those sharp-flat keys, with Sebastian, if he was willing. Everything manageable and good about me could be summed up by those keys. It was the second and most important keys that Sebastian had ever taught me, sitting here on this same seat right next to me. He was warm next to me, he was there. I miss watching his hands fly across the piano effortlessly like it was second nature, but knowing him, it could have been. "Because," Tanaka had said, passing through the room, quoting one of his favorite opening books, a quote that stung a little now, "tell me that even if a never ending sorrow steals you away, our two hearts will never grow apart." My eyes burned, it hurt to hold back so many emotions.

Sebastian always made the hardest things seem effortless. It was that Sebastian that I can't stop remembering right now, the Sebastian who had pinned me to pole on the side of the pavement and laughed, telling me to just enjoy it for a day. To enjoy the rain falling, to not always be so disgruntled. I remembered now, his smile and they way he held me there for a little longer than intended. He was warm in front of me, his shit eating grin wasn't there either. And all I could see was him, he was beautiful with the rain falling in his face, he was so close to me...

I shamed my hands on the keys, a loud disarray of notes and tones sputtering out. I spent so much of life being sad or living in the memory of being afraid. No more. I got up and rubbed my hands against my eyes viciously as I walked down the hallway, towards that bathroom. I turned the light on, and I stood there, looking at the bathtub at the other side of the room. Darkness pressed on either side of my vision, memories pushing at me. Tears kept coming as a turned on the water, the tears wouldn't stop and my hand wouldn't stop reaching for the blade hidden behind the tub. I stood there, eyes fixed on the empty tub. Water tipped and steadied, washing with blood.

I took a step into the bathtub; my reflection in the mirror across had startled me as it moved. I held still to study myself. Was that my face now? Water was now snaking up the fabric of my shirt, but I didn't care. More memories and thoughts flooded my head and everything I could do with the blade in my hand; He came for me when nobody else would, my only saviour. I held on to the words Sebastian had told me before he left. _I will be back_. Three years Sebastian. It's been three years, why have you lied to me?

Sebastian had done so much of the work, saving me. Now it was time to save myself. But my fingers never stilled with the blade and the water kept soaking my clothes, I only stopped to look down for a second. And for a moment, it was just an ordinary, mundane object, but now it was blade covered in red.

Then my ears began to ring.

I saw my mother and fathers face.

I saw _his_ face.

I couldn't do this. But the pain felt nice, pain was something that was a piece of something in me, some unending reservoir of happiness that no one could tap.

I hesitated, blood dripping into the water and soaking into my clothes. The walls were close around me; the doorway seemed so far behind me. Bees hummed inside my head. One thousand minutes other than this one lived in my head: minutes with bondages, minutes where everything that was me gargled down the drain, minutes with hands pinning me into a forced submission. But there was also Sebastian's voice calling me back to myself, Sebastian taking me by the hand. And more important than all of those was the minute. The minute when I, Ciel Phantomhive had found someone willing to live for. But I can't live now if he's gone.

That was how the servants had found me, in the morning. Sitting cross-legged in the now empty bathtub, a blade in my hands, blood smeared on the ivory tub, and me starring out with fear that sleep might bring back memories.

 

**Author's Note:**

> No character is dead, Sebastian isn't dead. Don't you guys worry!


End file.
